


just close your eyes (the sun is going down)

by weasleysking



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Has PTSD, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Crying, Cuddling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers Has PTSD, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Stucky - Freeform, guys i just like them a lot okay, ughhhh im projecting i think
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-08
Updated: 2019-09-08
Packaged: 2020-10-12 20:49:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20570663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weasleysking/pseuds/weasleysking
Summary: They both got them. Fact is, everyone in the team got them. The panic attacks, the nightmares, the weird triggers. They always had. Always would. And after Thanos, it wasn’t like it all got any easier. The difference for Steve and Bucky, however, was that they finally, finally, had each other.





	just close your eyes (the sun is going down)

**Author's Note:**

> sorry if this is formatted weirdly idfk what my laptop is up to ily guys

They both got them. Fact is, everyone in the team got them. The panic attacks, the nightmares, the weird triggers. They always had. Always would. And after Thanos, it wasn’t like it all got any easier. The difference for Steve and Bucky, however, was that they finally,  _ finally,  _ had each other. 

Sometimes it was Steve. Sometimes it was Bucky. Sometimes it was both. If it was a bad night, they’d stay up talking, or just holding each other. Sometimes, if they could deal with it, they’d roll back over and go to sleep. Sometimes the nightmares, the waking up, the slow sink into panic, sometimes it happened more than once in a night. Sometimes it didn’t happen at all. But those were the good nights. And for two people who had finally appeared to have found each other, and found peace, it didn’t seem fair that there were so few good nights. 

_ why would you believe it was all over _

_ why would you believe you finally had peace _

_ you don’t deserve it _

_ he stood on a hill, no, a mountain. it was dark. he looked down and saw it wasn’t made of soil. all he could see were bodies  _

_ bodies of people he knew _

_ bodies of people he didn’t  _

_ bodies of people he couldn’t save  _

_ captain, someone behind him growled. he turned _

_ a red face, oh god, not a face, faces belonged to humans and he, that, that wasn’t human, that never had been, even when it had a human face _

_ captain, it said again, look around you _

_ look at the people  _

_ imagine thinking you were worthy of a title like captain when you’d let them all go in a heartbeat for one other  _

_ i wouldn’t, steve gasped, falling to his knees, that was then, i swear, i helped everyone i could  _

_ but you left me, a voice said softly behind him _

_ steve turned around, facing peggy  _

_ no, he replied. no, peg, i’m so sorry, i didn’t leave you, i swear, i swear, you have a husband, you’re not alone, you have kids, you have a life without me _

_ but steve, she whispered, what if i only ever wanted you and you left me  _

_ i had to save them, he cried, falling to his knees, where the floor gave away and he was suddenly drowning in the ice cold atlantic _

_ what was i, peggy’s voice surrounds his head as he struggles to breathe under the water, his army uniform dragging him deeper, what was i to you steve, just a cover, because all you were was a scared little boy who liked other little boys?  _

_ no, i loved you, he tried to scream, but water filled his mouth and he choked, hitting the ground of the ocean. i loved you peggy, i swear, but i’m sorry  _

_ i’m so sorry  _

_ the water faded and steve was lying on the ground of the train _

_ steve  _

_ steve _

_ a voice was saying his name  _

_ his voice _

_ no _

_ bucky’s  _

_ bucky, where are you?  _

_ i’m falling steve _

_ and you can’t catch me  _

_ i’m falling into a world of pain and torture and brain washing. falling to hell _

_ and it’s gonna take you 70 years to find me  _

_ what kind of friend takes that long  _

_ what kind of lover takes that long _

_ no bucky, no, i’ll find you, i promise _

_ steve _

_ steve _

_ his head hurt _

_ it was going to split open _

_ steve  _

_ steve  _

_ he was bawling. on his knees, it was black. sobbing. he couldn’t take it _

_ Steve  _

S _ teve _

St _ eve _

Ste _ ve _

Stev _ e _

“Steve. Steve!” 

Steve shot up, breathing heavily. Gasping for air. His hands were shaking. His head was pounding. 

“Steve,” Bucky flicked on the lamp beside their bed and turned back to face him. “Are you okay?” 

Steve turned to face Bucky. He couldn’t stop shaking. 

“Yeah,” he said hoarsely. “I’m fine Buck, I’m… go back to sleep.” 

“No way,” Bucky grabbed Steve’s hands and held them tightly as he looked into his soulmate’s eyes. “You don’t let me brush you off that easy. That was one hell of a dream you were having there.” 

“That’s just it Buck,” Steve whispered. “It wasn’t even that bad. I’ve had… so much worse. I’ve just never felt so overwhelmed.” 

“It’s okay,” Bucky said softly. “You’re just with me. We’re okay.” 

“I know,” Steve replied honestly. “I’m fine, I promise.” 

Then, quite suddenly and contradicting his earlier statement, Steve began to sob. 

Bucky grabbed Steve and pulled him close and tight, turning out the light and bringing Steve to lie down, with his head on Bucky’s chest. He knew what Steve wanted when he needed comfort. He began to trace his fingers on Steve’s back lightly as Steve sobbed into his chest. Steve had always been fairly in touch with his feelings. Never particularly afraid to cry. But Bucky couldn’t remember the last time Steve had cried this much by his side. It had to have been before the war. And Steve, so used to crying by himself for so many years, just sobbed even harder into Bucky’s chest when he realised he wasn’t alone. 

“It’s just me,” Bucky whispered. “It’s just me and you Steve. We’re in your apartment. We’re in bed. It’s raining outside. Sam lives down the road. Natasha and Bruce are in Stark’s tower. Pepper and Tony are living with their kid out by the lake. Clint is with his family. Thor is in space. And I’m here. Right next to you. You feel me?” 

Steve was crying still, but quieter now. 

“You feel me, don’t you Steve?” Bucky said softly. 

Steve’s grip around Bucky tightened. 

“I feel you,” he whispered back. “Are you okay?” 

“I’m fine. I promise.”

They lay there in silence for a while, Bucky never giving up on tracing Steve’s skin lightly, and Steve trying to steady his breathing. 

“Do you want to sleep?” Bucky asked him softly.

“Yeah,” Steve replied. 

So they did. Until Steve shook Bucky awake an hour later, his voice cracking. 

“Bucky,” he said, his throat thick with tears. “Bucky- I- You-” 

“Steve it’s okay, I’m right here.” 

It was not a good night. 

Neither was the next. 

Bucky and Steve dealt with what they saw very differently. Steve woke up, his head aching, at what the clock flashed at him as 3:42 am the next night to Bucky beside him, whimpering softly. 

“Buck,” Steve said softly. “Buck, wake up, you’re okay.” Bucky’s fists closed around Steve’s shirt slowly, and he moaned. 

“Bucky,” Steve said louder. “Bucky, wake up.” 

Bucky sucked in a breath and whined, grappling at Steve like a small child. “No,” he moaned. “No…” 

Steve bit his lip and shook Bucky awake as gently as he could handle. “Bucky,  _ wake up. _ ” 

Bucky shot up, gasping. 

“Steve-” 

“Yeah, right here.” 

“Shit,” he said weakly. “Shit, you’re- I’m-” 

“We’re right here,” Steve said softly, putting a hand on Bucky’s shoulder. He jumped when Bucky flinched away from his touch and wrapped his arms around his middle. 

“Buck-” Steve said softly. “Are you.. Okay?” 

“Go back to sleep, Steve.” He looked away. 

“No, come on Bucky, we can talk-” 

“No.” 

Steve bit his lip. “Come on Buck,” he whispered. 

“No.” 

“I-” 

“ _ Go back to sleep Steve! _ ”

Bucky flung the blankets off the bed and stormed out of the room. 

Steve sighed and flopped back down, trying to ignore his aching head. He would give Bucky time. 

A half hour later, Bucky still hadn’t come back, and Steve, unable to sleep, got up and moved down the hall. The back door was open. Steve stood in the door frame for a moment, watching his soulmate as he sat on the edge of the deck, his head in his hands. 

“Do you wanna talk now?” 

Bucky didn’t move. 

“Come on, Buck,” Steve said softly. “We don’t have to talk. Just come back to bed.” 

Bucky didn’t move. 

Steve chewed his lip for a moment then chose to sit down next to him. Bucky, still looking out over the land, rested his head on Steve’s shoulder. 

“Sorry,” he whispered. 

“It’s okay,” Steve replied. “It’s okay.” 

Bucky lay down then, his head in Steve’s lap, still not looking at him. 

“I really wish,” Bucky began, his throat constricted, “I really wish we could just rest.” 

“We can rest,” Steve said softly. “Just try.” 

“I’m so tired, Steve,” Bucky said hoarsely. “So goddamn tired.” 

Steve brushed a stray strand of hair from Bucky’s face. 

“Close your eyes,” he said. “Just close your eyes.” 

Bucky’s eyelids fluttered shut, and Steve touched his face gently. 

“We’ll be alright.” 

The words rolled off his tongue so easily, having spent his whole life saying them, even when he knew he was lying. Yet even if Bucky registered that Steve couldn’t possibly know that they would be okay, he didn’t let on. 

“We’ll be alright.” 

_ just close your eyes  _

_ the sun is going down _

_ you’ll be alright _

_ no one can hurt you now _

_ come morning light  _

_ you and i’ll be  _

_ safe and sound _

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! come cry with me over fiction on tumblr @miss-mysticfalls


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